Who Am I Really Cheating??

So, I have decided to start blogging again because I am making some major decisions in my life and I want to be completely open and honest about it. I have no shame about this decision, but I feel that some people will have negative things to say about me and my decision and that there will be some back lash. The main thing that I hear about this decision is the words lazy and cheating... the decision.... LAP BAND SURGERY!!!

I have told a few people already and I keep hearing the same thing "What? Whyyyyyy? Your not even that big?" ummmm first of all...YEAH I AM!! Lol...I dont know what is wrong with ya'lls eyes but I'm huge. I wish that it were as simple as eating right and exercising. That's what everyone says, "awe, why dont you just diet and exercise"... BIH...I do!! Maybe I am not as die hard as some other people are but I do watch what I eat and I do exercise. I am just a major yo-yo dieter. That's what I have been all my life...weight comes off, weight goes on. When I get pregnant, I am automatically diagnosed as a diabetic and I must do insulin shots from the very beginning of my pregnancy to the very end. Usually after I have my babies, I can diet and exercise and get rid of the diabetes that I got from pregnancy. With this last baby that I had almost 2 years ago, I have not been able shake the diabetes and in fact, no matter how hard I diet and exercise, my diabetes number (A1c for those who know) has just kept creeping up. In reality, I probably would have been a yo yo dieter all my life and been fine with it but the major fact that pushed me to the decision of lap band weight loss surgery was the fact that I have been diagnosed with type 2 adult onset diabetes. What this means is that I am so fat and unhealthy that I have contracted this disease that leaves me vulnerable to other things like poor blood circulation that could possibly kill off nerves in my outer extremities like my fingers and toes and could possibly be amputated. What it means is that I may need to be on medication for the rest of my life. What that means is that my life has just been threatened. What that means is that I may leave my kids motherless too early. So who am I really cheating? Am I cheating all these people that think I need to lose weight "naturally"? Am I cheating myself out of the experience of doing it "naturally"? Ill tell you who I'm cheating...Im cheating my kids out of a mother. Im cheating my husband out of a wife. I'm cheating my siblings out of a sister. I'm cheating my parents out of a daughter. I'm cheating myself out of LIFE!!! The bottom line here is, I dont have time to try to "do it naturally". I have been dieting and exercising since I had my last baby 2 years ago and my blood sugar numbers keep going up and up and I am getting scared. I have decided to have this operation done to use it as a tool to help me lose weight and get healthy. I will still have to diet and exercise, I will just have this tool as extra help to make sure that I lose weight and keep it off. It will be a major life style change for me and my eating habits but I am ready for a change. A good change, a real change. I have done all my research and I know the risks as well as the rewards. The rewards outweigh the risks and Im so ready for this.

I will be blogging my progress pre and post surgery. I am mostly writing for my own personal purposes, so that I am able to just think out loud and get all these thoughts out on paper. I welcome anyone to read it, it's fine. If people are reading this, I hope to get rid of or at least minimize some of the horrible stigma that comes with the word "weight loss surgery". I hope to inspire and inform others who might be thinking about losing weight weather it be "naturally" or thru some sort of weight loss body modification. I hope to meet others who have had this done share their experiences also, as everyone is different and will have a different success story.

I am very open and welcome any and all suggestions, comments, criticism. I just ask that it be constructive suggestions, comments and criticism. :)