Before....

I just wanted to post a before picture.... Like, full on, Biggest Loser outfit with the sports bra and spandix shorts and everything...cuz I do have some pictures like that that I have taken recently for my own personal use, for comparison purposes...and then I went and saw them again, before I uploaded them and thought... nah, I ain't down!! LMAO...they're pretty scary. I will post some before pictures but I think I will put more clothes on.

Anyways... change of subject...My doctor wants me to continue trying to lose weight with diet and exercise because that shows "good faith" on my part that I will comply with any post surgery diets and exercise regime and it will also just be better for me over all to be smaller when I go in for my surgery but every since I have decided to get this surgery I have been TERRIBLE at dieting and exercising. I hate it. I don't know if it is because I know that I am going to get this surgery and so I am eating like crazy because I know that I won't eat that much after surgery or because it is that I know I will be smaller anyways after the surgery so I don't care how big I get now or because I am just an unhealthy eating burger bandit... what ever it is, I need to nip it in the bud. I need to start practicing what my lifestyle will be post surgery because it will be a major life style change for me.

I have been given some instruction on how it will be after surgery and I have been wanting to incorporate some of the things that I will need to change about my eating habits in to my way of life now but I find it beyond difficult. The main thing is the chewing and the drinking. I am a person who chews 3 MAYBE 4 times and the food is down the pipe. Post surgery, I will need to chew 20 times and then swallow. The purpose for the 20 chews is 2 fold. First it will grind the food up as small as possible so that when it goes in to my small pouch of a stomach it is already broken down as much as possible to make digestion that much easier for my stomach. My nutritionist says that I don't want big bulky chunks for food in my small stomach pouch. Makes sense... Second, the reason why I should chew 20 times is so that it takes me 30 minutes to eat a meal. Taking my time to eat my meals will reduce over eating and throwing up, which apparently is common after this surgery. They say that if we just give our meal TIME to get in there and get settled that we will be full and not stuffed. But people usually eat fast and the food hasn't been able to settle in and let you know that you are full and so your mind says "I'm still hungry" and you keep eating and by the time your stomach processes that it is full and tells your mind that it is full, you would have already over eaten and are feeling crappy and stuffed by this point. SO...if I chew 20 times and eat slow, I will be able to tell when I am full before I am stuffed and I will be helping my stomach in the digestion process by grinding up the food as small as possible.

Another thing I will have to do post surgery is what is called the 15-30-60 rule. It has to do with drinking and eating as well. So 15 minutes before I eat, my nutritionist says that I need to stop drinking. So if I am having lunch at 12 noon, I need to stop drinking any kinds of fluids at 11:45am. After the 15 minutes have passed, I need to take 30 minutes to eat my meal. After my 30 minute meal I should not drink anything for 60 minutes. That is the real challenge. I ALWAYS drink while I eat, I drink before, I drink during and I drink after... I love to drink. I have attempted to do the drinking rule and I just cant do it...I feel like I'm gonna die...in real life. I need to drink...but I will try to slowly incorporate the whole drinking thing. A little bit at a time, with every meal, drink less and less until I am able to do the whole 15-30-60 rule.

Wish me luck.... Ill need it.

So close yet sooooo far away...

I have been working with doctors and nutritionist for about 6 months now. That is when I decided that I needed to have this surgery. My insurance covers it but in order for them cover it I have to qualify through some prerequisites. These were the things I had to do before they will authorize the operation:

• Have a BMI of 41 or higher - I was, according to their charts, at a 42. check
• Have a co-morbid disease - I have diabetes. check 
• Show a record of trying to lose weight for at least a year - I have been trying for about 3 years now but only had documents of actually trying via doctors for 6 months, so that combined with what I have done the past 6 months makes it a complete year of documentation.  check
• See a nutritionist for 6 months. This month made 6 for me :). check
• See a psychiatrist to make sure I'm not crazy and will comply with any special programs and diets that I will be on post surgery. - Last week I saw one and I have to go back for him to administer the written tests to me. halfway check
• See my doctor for every month for 6 months to track weightloss progress and diabetes management pre-surgery. check

So, for the most part, I have done every thing that I have needed to do. I am pretty much just waiting on this psychiatrist to give me the written tests and submit his suggestions to the doctor and then have my doctor submit all my paperwork to my insurance and then I can get approved. My surgery doctor says that I am so close and that I can probably plan on having surgery some time in July. That is like...tomorrow!!!! I'm so nervous and anxious and excited and scared...all at once. I have a nagging fear that my insurance will not cover it. It's been nagging at me since I have decided to get the surgery. I told my husband that if I don't get approved that he's paying for the damn surgery. LOL. But in real life... I have had my heart set on this surgery for 6 months now and I WILL get it, by any means necessary, I'm just hoping it will be with the insurance's means instead of my own. HA!

I am camping by my phone and waiting, waiting, waiting for my psychiatrist to call me back. He said that he had to get the tests authorized through my insurance before he can give it to me. It was just barely on Thursday that I saw him and it's only Sunday today. I guess I should give him some time to get a hold of my insurance and get that together...I'm just sooooooo antsy!!! I feel soooooooooo close, yet soooooooo far away. I guess when I get approved and set an actual date is when I will feel complete and really good about this really getting done. My doctor says not to worry that I am a shoe in for this procedure and that he will do what ever he needs to help me get approved for it but for now I will just wait and pray.

Who Am I Really Cheating??

So, I have decided to start blogging again because I am making some major decisions in my life and I want to be completely open and honest about it. I have no shame about this decision, but I feel that some people will have negative things to say about me and my decision and that there will be some back lash. The main thing that I hear about this decision is the words lazy and cheating... the decision.... LAP BAND SURGERY!!!

I have told a few people already and I keep hearing the same thing "What? Whyyyyyy? Your not even that big?" ummmm first of all...YEAH I AM!! Lol...I dont know what is wrong with ya'lls eyes but I'm huge. I wish that it were as simple as eating right and exercising. That's what everyone says, "awe, why dont you just diet and exercise"... BIH...I do!! Maybe I am not as die hard as some other people are but I do watch what I eat and I do exercise. I am just a major yo-yo dieter. That's what I have been all my life...weight comes off, weight goes on. When I get pregnant, I am automatically diagnosed as a diabetic and I must do insulin shots from the very beginning of my pregnancy to the very end. Usually after I have my babies, I can diet and exercise and get rid of the diabetes that I got from pregnancy. With this last baby that I had almost 2 years ago, I have not been able shake the diabetes and in fact, no matter how hard I diet and exercise, my diabetes number (A1c for those who know) has just kept creeping up. In reality, I probably would have been a yo yo dieter all my life and been fine with it but the major fact that pushed me to the decision of lap band weight loss surgery was the fact that I have been diagnosed with type 2 adult onset diabetes. What this means is that I am so fat and unhealthy that I have contracted this disease that leaves me vulnerable to other things like poor blood circulation that could possibly kill off nerves in my outer extremities like my fingers and toes and could possibly be amputated. What it means is that I may need to be on medication for the rest of my life. What that means is that my life has just been threatened. What that means is that I may leave my kids motherless too early. So who am I really cheating? Am I cheating all these people that think I need to lose weight "naturally"? Am I cheating myself out of the experience of doing it "naturally"? Ill tell you who I'm cheating...Im cheating my kids out of a mother. Im cheating my husband out of a wife. I'm cheating my siblings out of a sister. I'm cheating my parents out of a daughter. I'm cheating myself out of LIFE!!! The bottom line here is, I dont have time to try to "do it naturally". I have been dieting and exercising since I had my last baby 2 years ago and my blood sugar numbers keep going up and up and I am getting scared. I have decided to have this operation done to use it as a tool to help me lose weight and get healthy. I will still have to diet and exercise, I will just have this tool as extra help to make sure that I lose weight and keep it off. It will be a major life style change for me and my eating habits but I am ready for a change. A good change, a real change. I have done all my research and I know the risks as well as the rewards. The rewards outweigh the risks and Im so ready for this.

I will be blogging my progress pre and post surgery. I am mostly writing for my own personal purposes, so that I am able to just think out loud and get all these thoughts out on paper. I welcome anyone to read it, it's fine. If people are reading this, I hope to get rid of or at least minimize some of the horrible stigma that comes with the word "weight loss surgery". I hope to inspire and inform others who might be thinking about losing weight weather it be "naturally" or thru some sort of weight loss body modification. I hope to meet others who have had this done share their experiences also, as everyone is different and will have a different success story.

I am very open and welcome any and all suggestions, comments, criticism. I just ask that it be constructive suggestions, comments and criticism. :)