Not "sweet tooth" more like SWEET TEETH. OMG. I can scarf down sweet things like no other and I am getting worried. I am usually not a sweet tooth kind of person. I will take steak and potatoes over cake and ice cream any day but it seems that since my surgery steak and potatoes doesn't go down as easy as cake and ice cream does. I just get so hungry and so impatient that I don't want to chew a million times for one bite then wait 5 minutes before I can bite again, so I have found that mashing up cake in my mouth and swallowing is much easier and faster. Fast and instant gratification. I think that's why I am here in the first place. No patience to cook the right foods and eat slowly causes me to fall back on foods that are not healthy but easy to throw down.
Since my fill, I have not been able to eat much. I will be lucky if I get 3 meals in a day. I just find the restriction to be so much that I am turned off to eat. It's not that the restriction is so much, it's just that I don't know how to portion or eat slow. So this major restriction from my last fill is teaching me that I need to slow down and not eat so much. I am getting used to it, slowly but surely. I have lost about 8 pounds in a week. Not bad right...I hope its not bad. LOL. I know that I need to eat better and start exercising again. Tired and sleepy. Ill try to catch up more on whats happening when I'm not typing half way asleep and not making sense.
Monday, December 9, 2013
Friday, December 6, 2013
Update in a nutshell....
This post is going to be REALLY long but only a synopsis of what has been going on.
I can't believe that the last time I was on here was in July. That seems like a whole life time ago. The last post was about waiting for the insurance to approve me. My doctors and I thought that I would be a shoe in candidate to get the lap band operation. Not the case. I actually got 2 denial letters that sorely discouraged me. The first denial letter came the end of July, beginning of August and it was because they said that they needed proof that I had been overweight for more then one year. I was like, do they want me to send them pictures of when I was 12 all the up until now. SHEESH. So, I had to go to previous doctors that I had seen in the past and had them pull my records. Luckily for me I really HAD gone to doctors before for help with weight loss and so I submitted that to my doctor who submitted it to insurance for me. THEN they send another denial letter that I had not spent 12 consecutive months trying to lose weight, so my doctor actually itemized all my doctor appointments that dated back 3 years showing that I had consistently gone in to see a doctor about weight loss with no success. Finally after waiting for what seemed like forever, I got my approval letter. YAY happy day.....or was it. My husband, whose insurance that we were using to get my operation was talking about quitting because it was a job out of town and he wanted to work in town. I begged him to stay and we compromised that he would stay until I got my operation. I set the date ASAP which couldn't be sooner then 2 weeks because I had to go on a 2 week liquid diet. That liquid diet was HELL. I went from no restrictions on eating to drinking just broth and water. It's a full liquid diet so it wasn't too bad, I had yogurt and other things but mostly just broth and water. I ended up cheating on that diet a few times...I mean, a few too many times. HA. I did however lose about 10 pounds on that diet.
D DAY...September 12, the day I got banded. I woke up early, anxious, scared and excited. Operation went well. I was under for about 2 hours. Came too and was just out of it. It is usually a same day surgery but my doctor liked to keep his patients in the hospital for at least an over night so that he can observe them and make sure that everything went well. I went in at 275 pounds. When I had started this whole process I was about 285. Today I am 259. I havent lost as much as I would have liked to lose and I know that my success is based on me and my efforts or lack thereof. I was on a nice little exercise routine but my life is so hectic with full time school and kids that I can barely even find time to shower. On top on not exercising I have not had any real restrictions on what I have put in to my body. Eating habits are terrible. I recommit every Sunday that I will start my diet and exercise on Monday and a hundred Monday's later and I am still "recommiting" on Sundays. It's pretty pathetic. I have the knowledge and after this surgery, the tools that I need to lose weight and get healthy but I can't...or maybe wont. I dont know what it is that is holding me back. I did realize however that I am addicted to food. After the surgery, even though I was not hungry, when I saw something that was I, I wanted to have it. I realized that I was addicted to food. Like a real, crack head addicted to crack, addiction. It was terrible and sad. It was only then that I realized my dangerous addiction. It has even gotten me debating if I even made the right decision to get the lap band. Everytime we would go out to eat or sit at big family functions all I wanted to do was pig out even though I was not hungry. It was a sad realization for me. So I try to not let that addiction get in my head and tell me that what I did was the wrong thing.
So, in a nutshell, I am struggling with my decision to get this because I am addicted to food but I love love love my weight loss, as slow and steady as it may be. I have had 3 fills since I have had the band placed. The first 2 fills didnt feel like crap. I was still able to eat what ever I wanted with little to no restriction. This last fill that I got on Monday is killing me though. I guess that I am just so used to eating what I want with little restriction because my last 2 fills didnt restrict me. With this 3rd one I am TOTALLY restricted. I hate it because I am not yet used to being restricted when I eat so I have been sliming and throwing up. The good thing about it is that it is teaching me better portion control and that I can't just scarf things down anymore.
I will be more frequent with my postings. I am really tired right now and just want to sleep. My next post will be better written next time.
Good evening.
I can't believe that the last time I was on here was in July. That seems like a whole life time ago. The last post was about waiting for the insurance to approve me. My doctors and I thought that I would be a shoe in candidate to get the lap band operation. Not the case. I actually got 2 denial letters that sorely discouraged me. The first denial letter came the end of July, beginning of August and it was because they said that they needed proof that I had been overweight for more then one year. I was like, do they want me to send them pictures of when I was 12 all the up until now. SHEESH. So, I had to go to previous doctors that I had seen in the past and had them pull my records. Luckily for me I really HAD gone to doctors before for help with weight loss and so I submitted that to my doctor who submitted it to insurance for me. THEN they send another denial letter that I had not spent 12 consecutive months trying to lose weight, so my doctor actually itemized all my doctor appointments that dated back 3 years showing that I had consistently gone in to see a doctor about weight loss with no success. Finally after waiting for what seemed like forever, I got my approval letter. YAY happy day.....or was it. My husband, whose insurance that we were using to get my operation was talking about quitting because it was a job out of town and he wanted to work in town. I begged him to stay and we compromised that he would stay until I got my operation. I set the date ASAP which couldn't be sooner then 2 weeks because I had to go on a 2 week liquid diet. That liquid diet was HELL. I went from no restrictions on eating to drinking just broth and water. It's a full liquid diet so it wasn't too bad, I had yogurt and other things but mostly just broth and water. I ended up cheating on that diet a few times...I mean, a few too many times. HA. I did however lose about 10 pounds on that diet.
D DAY...September 12, the day I got banded. I woke up early, anxious, scared and excited. Operation went well. I was under for about 2 hours. Came too and was just out of it. It is usually a same day surgery but my doctor liked to keep his patients in the hospital for at least an over night so that he can observe them and make sure that everything went well. I went in at 275 pounds. When I had started this whole process I was about 285. Today I am 259. I havent lost as much as I would have liked to lose and I know that my success is based on me and my efforts or lack thereof. I was on a nice little exercise routine but my life is so hectic with full time school and kids that I can barely even find time to shower. On top on not exercising I have not had any real restrictions on what I have put in to my body. Eating habits are terrible. I recommit every Sunday that I will start my diet and exercise on Monday and a hundred Monday's later and I am still "recommiting" on Sundays. It's pretty pathetic. I have the knowledge and after this surgery, the tools that I need to lose weight and get healthy but I can't...or maybe wont. I dont know what it is that is holding me back. I did realize however that I am addicted to food. After the surgery, even though I was not hungry, when I saw something that was I, I wanted to have it. I realized that I was addicted to food. Like a real, crack head addicted to crack, addiction. It was terrible and sad. It was only then that I realized my dangerous addiction. It has even gotten me debating if I even made the right decision to get the lap band. Everytime we would go out to eat or sit at big family functions all I wanted to do was pig out even though I was not hungry. It was a sad realization for me. So I try to not let that addiction get in my head and tell me that what I did was the wrong thing.
So, in a nutshell, I am struggling with my decision to get this because I am addicted to food but I love love love my weight loss, as slow and steady as it may be. I have had 3 fills since I have had the band placed. The first 2 fills didnt feel like crap. I was still able to eat what ever I wanted with little to no restriction. This last fill that I got on Monday is killing me though. I guess that I am just so used to eating what I want with little restriction because my last 2 fills didnt restrict me. With this 3rd one I am TOTALLY restricted. I hate it because I am not yet used to being restricted when I eat so I have been sliming and throwing up. The good thing about it is that it is teaching me better portion control and that I can't just scarf things down anymore.
I will be more frequent with my postings. I am really tired right now and just want to sleep. My next post will be better written next time.
Good evening.
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