Not "sweet tooth" more like SWEET TEETH. OMG. I can scarf down sweet things like no other and I am getting worried. I am usually not a sweet tooth kind of person. I will take steak and potatoes over cake and ice cream any day but it seems that since my surgery steak and potatoes doesn't go down as easy as cake and ice cream does. I just get so hungry and so impatient that I don't want to chew a million times for one bite then wait 5 minutes before I can bite again, so I have found that mashing up cake in my mouth and swallowing is much easier and faster. Fast and instant gratification. I think that's why I am here in the first place. No patience to cook the right foods and eat slowly causes me to fall back on foods that are not healthy but easy to throw down.
Since my fill, I have not been able to eat much. I will be lucky if I get 3 meals in a day. I just find the restriction to be so much that I am turned off to eat. It's not that the restriction is so much, it's just that I don't know how to portion or eat slow. So this major restriction from my last fill is teaching me that I need to slow down and not eat so much. I am getting used to it, slowly but surely. I have lost about 8 pounds in a week. Not bad right...I hope its not bad. LOL. I know that I need to eat better and start exercising again. Tired and sleepy. Ill try to catch up more on whats happening when I'm not typing half way asleep and not making sense.
Monday, December 9, 2013
Friday, December 6, 2013
Update in a nutshell....
This post is going to be REALLY long but only a synopsis of what has been going on.
I can't believe that the last time I was on here was in July. That seems like a whole life time ago. The last post was about waiting for the insurance to approve me. My doctors and I thought that I would be a shoe in candidate to get the lap band operation. Not the case. I actually got 2 denial letters that sorely discouraged me. The first denial letter came the end of July, beginning of August and it was because they said that they needed proof that I had been overweight for more then one year. I was like, do they want me to send them pictures of when I was 12 all the up until now. SHEESH. So, I had to go to previous doctors that I had seen in the past and had them pull my records. Luckily for me I really HAD gone to doctors before for help with weight loss and so I submitted that to my doctor who submitted it to insurance for me. THEN they send another denial letter that I had not spent 12 consecutive months trying to lose weight, so my doctor actually itemized all my doctor appointments that dated back 3 years showing that I had consistently gone in to see a doctor about weight loss with no success. Finally after waiting for what seemed like forever, I got my approval letter. YAY happy day.....or was it. My husband, whose insurance that we were using to get my operation was talking about quitting because it was a job out of town and he wanted to work in town. I begged him to stay and we compromised that he would stay until I got my operation. I set the date ASAP which couldn't be sooner then 2 weeks because I had to go on a 2 week liquid diet. That liquid diet was HELL. I went from no restrictions on eating to drinking just broth and water. It's a full liquid diet so it wasn't too bad, I had yogurt and other things but mostly just broth and water. I ended up cheating on that diet a few times...I mean, a few too many times. HA. I did however lose about 10 pounds on that diet.
D DAY...September 12, the day I got banded. I woke up early, anxious, scared and excited. Operation went well. I was under for about 2 hours. Came too and was just out of it. It is usually a same day surgery but my doctor liked to keep his patients in the hospital for at least an over night so that he can observe them and make sure that everything went well. I went in at 275 pounds. When I had started this whole process I was about 285. Today I am 259. I havent lost as much as I would have liked to lose and I know that my success is based on me and my efforts or lack thereof. I was on a nice little exercise routine but my life is so hectic with full time school and kids that I can barely even find time to shower. On top on not exercising I have not had any real restrictions on what I have put in to my body. Eating habits are terrible. I recommit every Sunday that I will start my diet and exercise on Monday and a hundred Monday's later and I am still "recommiting" on Sundays. It's pretty pathetic. I have the knowledge and after this surgery, the tools that I need to lose weight and get healthy but I can't...or maybe wont. I dont know what it is that is holding me back. I did realize however that I am addicted to food. After the surgery, even though I was not hungry, when I saw something that was I, I wanted to have it. I realized that I was addicted to food. Like a real, crack head addicted to crack, addiction. It was terrible and sad. It was only then that I realized my dangerous addiction. It has even gotten me debating if I even made the right decision to get the lap band. Everytime we would go out to eat or sit at big family functions all I wanted to do was pig out even though I was not hungry. It was a sad realization for me. So I try to not let that addiction get in my head and tell me that what I did was the wrong thing.
So, in a nutshell, I am struggling with my decision to get this because I am addicted to food but I love love love my weight loss, as slow and steady as it may be. I have had 3 fills since I have had the band placed. The first 2 fills didnt feel like crap. I was still able to eat what ever I wanted with little to no restriction. This last fill that I got on Monday is killing me though. I guess that I am just so used to eating what I want with little restriction because my last 2 fills didnt restrict me. With this 3rd one I am TOTALLY restricted. I hate it because I am not yet used to being restricted when I eat so I have been sliming and throwing up. The good thing about it is that it is teaching me better portion control and that I can't just scarf things down anymore.
I will be more frequent with my postings. I am really tired right now and just want to sleep. My next post will be better written next time.
Good evening.
I can't believe that the last time I was on here was in July. That seems like a whole life time ago. The last post was about waiting for the insurance to approve me. My doctors and I thought that I would be a shoe in candidate to get the lap band operation. Not the case. I actually got 2 denial letters that sorely discouraged me. The first denial letter came the end of July, beginning of August and it was because they said that they needed proof that I had been overweight for more then one year. I was like, do they want me to send them pictures of when I was 12 all the up until now. SHEESH. So, I had to go to previous doctors that I had seen in the past and had them pull my records. Luckily for me I really HAD gone to doctors before for help with weight loss and so I submitted that to my doctor who submitted it to insurance for me. THEN they send another denial letter that I had not spent 12 consecutive months trying to lose weight, so my doctor actually itemized all my doctor appointments that dated back 3 years showing that I had consistently gone in to see a doctor about weight loss with no success. Finally after waiting for what seemed like forever, I got my approval letter. YAY happy day.....or was it. My husband, whose insurance that we were using to get my operation was talking about quitting because it was a job out of town and he wanted to work in town. I begged him to stay and we compromised that he would stay until I got my operation. I set the date ASAP which couldn't be sooner then 2 weeks because I had to go on a 2 week liquid diet. That liquid diet was HELL. I went from no restrictions on eating to drinking just broth and water. It's a full liquid diet so it wasn't too bad, I had yogurt and other things but mostly just broth and water. I ended up cheating on that diet a few times...I mean, a few too many times. HA. I did however lose about 10 pounds on that diet.
D DAY...September 12, the day I got banded. I woke up early, anxious, scared and excited. Operation went well. I was under for about 2 hours. Came too and was just out of it. It is usually a same day surgery but my doctor liked to keep his patients in the hospital for at least an over night so that he can observe them and make sure that everything went well. I went in at 275 pounds. When I had started this whole process I was about 285. Today I am 259. I havent lost as much as I would have liked to lose and I know that my success is based on me and my efforts or lack thereof. I was on a nice little exercise routine but my life is so hectic with full time school and kids that I can barely even find time to shower. On top on not exercising I have not had any real restrictions on what I have put in to my body. Eating habits are terrible. I recommit every Sunday that I will start my diet and exercise on Monday and a hundred Monday's later and I am still "recommiting" on Sundays. It's pretty pathetic. I have the knowledge and after this surgery, the tools that I need to lose weight and get healthy but I can't...or maybe wont. I dont know what it is that is holding me back. I did realize however that I am addicted to food. After the surgery, even though I was not hungry, when I saw something that was I, I wanted to have it. I realized that I was addicted to food. Like a real, crack head addicted to crack, addiction. It was terrible and sad. It was only then that I realized my dangerous addiction. It has even gotten me debating if I even made the right decision to get the lap band. Everytime we would go out to eat or sit at big family functions all I wanted to do was pig out even though I was not hungry. It was a sad realization for me. So I try to not let that addiction get in my head and tell me that what I did was the wrong thing.
So, in a nutshell, I am struggling with my decision to get this because I am addicted to food but I love love love my weight loss, as slow and steady as it may be. I have had 3 fills since I have had the band placed. The first 2 fills didnt feel like crap. I was still able to eat what ever I wanted with little to no restriction. This last fill that I got on Monday is killing me though. I guess that I am just so used to eating what I want with little restriction because my last 2 fills didnt restrict me. With this 3rd one I am TOTALLY restricted. I hate it because I am not yet used to being restricted when I eat so I have been sliming and throwing up. The good thing about it is that it is teaching me better portion control and that I can't just scarf things down anymore.
I will be more frequent with my postings. I am really tired right now and just want to sleep. My next post will be better written next time.
Good evening.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
The Waiting Game
So, I went to my doctors appointment on Thursday and all went well. I weighed in a pound smaller then the last time I was there, which showed progress on my end. I could have lost more but lately with all these family reunions and summer school and kids and it being summer, I have had no time (or actually MADE no time) for exercise and I have not made wise decisions when it came to eating. This is something I need to change altogether when I have my surgery. I keep telling myself that I am going to start meal prepping and doing better at eating but I haven't done so yet. Habits, habits, habits....I need to make some good ones. Anyways, so my surgeons nursed submitted my paperwork to my insurance for approval for the lap band surgery and now I WAIT!!! I hate this waiting game. It's all thats on my mind since Thursday. I wonder how long it will take to hear back from them...
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Aaaaahhhh....I'm NERVOUS.
It's 2am and I have to be up at 7am to get ready for a doctors appointment at 830am. I was told that I needed to lose weight and I dont think that I have...I dont want this to be something that holds my surgery back and pushes it out longer. I guess I should have considered maybe...oh, I dont know....losing weight....LOL...but it's just been a MAD busy summer. I do way better in the winter and spring times, as far as losing weight goes...but this summer has just been POOPY as far as trying to lose weight. I see my nutritionist at 8 and as soon as she puts in her notes to my surgeon, his nurse will submit my paperwork to my insurance. I hope it all goes well. I really hope that I can find out tomorrow or something within the next week or so if and when I can have surgery. I'm just feeling super nervous.
PS. My sister in law wants to do a comparison type thing or a side by side, step by step and compare my journey to weightloss and her's. She will do it with just diet and exercise and so I was game. It would be beneficial to people thinking of weather to go "natural" or have surgery for weight loss. Keep you posted on that.
PS. My sister in law wants to do a comparison type thing or a side by side, step by step and compare my journey to weightloss and her's. She will do it with just diet and exercise and so I was game. It would be beneficial to people thinking of weather to go "natural" or have surgery for weight loss. Keep you posted on that.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
YAY...
I got a call from the psychiatrist office today that the "testing" or evaluation or what ever, was APPROVED and that I can go in to the office tomorrow to take the final tests I need in order to submit my paperwork in to insurance for approval for my surgery. I am super uber excited. Can't hardly wait :)
That's all!! LOL
That's all!! LOL
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Stuck in LIMBO
So I am sooooo close to this I can smell it. I am just waiting for my psychiatric evaluation. I went to the psychiatrist office and he thought that I was there to get my head examined :/ LOL. I told him that I was there for weight loss/lapband evaluation and his whole demeanor changed. I guess there is a process that happens with insurance and pre-authorized testing and different things like that. So basically he took down some information about me and family history and weight loss attempts and then when he gets authorization from the insurance company that they will pay for the tests he will call me back and I will just take the tests in his office. He says its just paper tests with questions and I can just do it unsupervised in his office and then I am done. After he reads through my papers, he will make an assessment and turn that in to my doctor and once that is done my doctor has all he needs to submit my paperwork to the insurance.
I have been researching how long authorization takes once paperwork is submitted through insurance, specifically BCBS (blue cross blue shield) and it varies from as little as 24 hours to 1 month. That makes me so nervous. Depending on how soon my psychiatrist gets this approved, I can be in surgery with in a month. I am so nervous and anxious my stomach ties every time I think about it.
I'm looking for a ticker to keep track of my BMI and weight and progress of my weight loss. Any good websites out there? I wanna add it to my blog some how....I don't even know how to spice my page up...let me first learn how to do that before I try to add the ticker. ;)
I have been researching how long authorization takes once paperwork is submitted through insurance, specifically BCBS (blue cross blue shield) and it varies from as little as 24 hours to 1 month. That makes me so nervous. Depending on how soon my psychiatrist gets this approved, I can be in surgery with in a month. I am so nervous and anxious my stomach ties every time I think about it.
I'm looking for a ticker to keep track of my BMI and weight and progress of my weight loss. Any good websites out there? I wanna add it to my blog some how....I don't even know how to spice my page up...let me first learn how to do that before I try to add the ticker. ;)
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Before....
I just wanted to post a before picture.... Like, full on, Biggest Loser outfit with the sports bra and spandix shorts and everything...cuz I do have some pictures like that that I have taken recently for my own personal use, for comparison purposes...and then I went and saw them again, before I uploaded them and thought... nah, I ain't down!! LMAO...they're pretty scary. I will post some before pictures but I think I will put more clothes on.
Anyways... change of subject...My doctor wants me to continue trying to lose weight with diet and exercise because that shows "good faith" on my part that I will comply with any post surgery diets and exercise regime and it will also just be better for me over all to be smaller when I go in for my surgery but every since I have decided to get this surgery I have been TERRIBLE at dieting and exercising. I hate it. I don't know if it is because I know that I am going to get this surgery and so I am eating like crazy because I know that I won't eat that much after surgery or because it is that I know I will be smaller anyways after the surgery so I don't care how big I get now or because I am just an unhealthy eating burger bandit... what ever it is, I need to nip it in the bud. I need to start practicing what my lifestyle will be post surgery because it will be a major life style change for me.
I have been given some instruction on how it will be after surgery and I have been wanting to incorporate some of the things that I will need to change about my eating habits in to my way of life now but I find it beyond difficult. The main thing is the chewing and the drinking. I am a person who chews 3 MAYBE 4 times and the food is down the pipe. Post surgery, I will need to chew 20 times and then swallow. The purpose for the 20 chews is 2 fold. First it will grind the food up as small as possible so that when it goes in to my small pouch of a stomach it is already broken down as much as possible to make digestion that much easier for my stomach. My nutritionist says that I don't want big bulky chunks for food in my small stomach pouch. Makes sense... Second, the reason why I should chew 20 times is so that it takes me 30 minutes to eat a meal. Taking my time to eat my meals will reduce over eating and throwing up, which apparently is common after this surgery. They say that if we just give our meal TIME to get in there and get settled that we will be full and not stuffed. But people usually eat fast and the food hasn't been able to settle in and let you know that you are full and so your mind says "I'm still hungry" and you keep eating and by the time your stomach processes that it is full and tells your mind that it is full, you would have already over eaten and are feeling crappy and stuffed by this point. SO...if I chew 20 times and eat slow, I will be able to tell when I am full before I am stuffed and I will be helping my stomach in the digestion process by grinding up the food as small as possible.
Another thing I will have to do post surgery is what is called the 15-30-60 rule. It has to do with drinking and eating as well. So 15 minutes before I eat, my nutritionist says that I need to stop drinking. So if I am having lunch at 12 noon, I need to stop drinking any kinds of fluids at 11:45am. After the 15 minutes have passed, I need to take 30 minutes to eat my meal. After my 30 minute meal I should not drink anything for 60 minutes. That is the real challenge. I ALWAYS drink while I eat, I drink before, I drink during and I drink after... I love to drink. I have attempted to do the drinking rule and I just cant do it...I feel like I'm gonna die...in real life. I need to drink...but I will try to slowly incorporate the whole drinking thing. A little bit at a time, with every meal, drink less and less until I am able to do the whole 15-30-60 rule.
Wish me luck.... Ill need it.
Anyways... change of subject...My doctor wants me to continue trying to lose weight with diet and exercise because that shows "good faith" on my part that I will comply with any post surgery diets and exercise regime and it will also just be better for me over all to be smaller when I go in for my surgery but every since I have decided to get this surgery I have been TERRIBLE at dieting and exercising. I hate it. I don't know if it is because I know that I am going to get this surgery and so I am eating like crazy because I know that I won't eat that much after surgery or because it is that I know I will be smaller anyways after the surgery so I don't care how big I get now or because I am just an unhealthy eating burger bandit... what ever it is, I need to nip it in the bud. I need to start practicing what my lifestyle will be post surgery because it will be a major life style change for me.
I have been given some instruction on how it will be after surgery and I have been wanting to incorporate some of the things that I will need to change about my eating habits in to my way of life now but I find it beyond difficult. The main thing is the chewing and the drinking. I am a person who chews 3 MAYBE 4 times and the food is down the pipe. Post surgery, I will need to chew 20 times and then swallow. The purpose for the 20 chews is 2 fold. First it will grind the food up as small as possible so that when it goes in to my small pouch of a stomach it is already broken down as much as possible to make digestion that much easier for my stomach. My nutritionist says that I don't want big bulky chunks for food in my small stomach pouch. Makes sense... Second, the reason why I should chew 20 times is so that it takes me 30 minutes to eat a meal. Taking my time to eat my meals will reduce over eating and throwing up, which apparently is common after this surgery. They say that if we just give our meal TIME to get in there and get settled that we will be full and not stuffed. But people usually eat fast and the food hasn't been able to settle in and let you know that you are full and so your mind says "I'm still hungry" and you keep eating and by the time your stomach processes that it is full and tells your mind that it is full, you would have already over eaten and are feeling crappy and stuffed by this point. SO...if I chew 20 times and eat slow, I will be able to tell when I am full before I am stuffed and I will be helping my stomach in the digestion process by grinding up the food as small as possible.
Another thing I will have to do post surgery is what is called the 15-30-60 rule. It has to do with drinking and eating as well. So 15 minutes before I eat, my nutritionist says that I need to stop drinking. So if I am having lunch at 12 noon, I need to stop drinking any kinds of fluids at 11:45am. After the 15 minutes have passed, I need to take 30 minutes to eat my meal. After my 30 minute meal I should not drink anything for 60 minutes. That is the real challenge. I ALWAYS drink while I eat, I drink before, I drink during and I drink after... I love to drink. I have attempted to do the drinking rule and I just cant do it...I feel like I'm gonna die...in real life. I need to drink...but I will try to slowly incorporate the whole drinking thing. A little bit at a time, with every meal, drink less and less until I am able to do the whole 15-30-60 rule.
Wish me luck.... Ill need it.
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